Lucas Knowlton - April 22, 2012

I never made a "formal social media" announcement that I was expecting a baby, but on New Years Eve I found out that Rob and I were expecting our third child. We had just started trying and I was shocked that we got pregnant so quickly. I wasn't sure how far along I was, so I called and made an appointment with my doctor. Kailyn and baby number three were going to be about 21 months apart, and I was nervous to add number three but also very excited.
Then things started getting interesting. I got a bad sinus infection and was sick for weeks. Next, the blood work that my Dr. took came back abnormal. It's a long story but I was treated for a disease that I did not have and the real cause of the abnormal blood work was undetermined. Then Robbie got pneumonia and I was also very sick with a fever and coughing. This was on top of the nausea and fatigue of pregnancy. This pregnancy felt so different from the others. I had a feeling that something wasn't right, but I was sure it was just because of the illness. I wasn't gaining much weight and I never felt the baby move, but I was hopeful that everything was alright. When I went in for my ultrasound I was relieved to hear a good strong heartbeat. The ultrasound technician told us we were expecting another boy. We were thrilled! Robbie was so excited to have a little brother and wanted to name him Spider-man. We also found out that we were about 17 weeks along and that our little guy wasn't quite big enough to do all the vital organ tests needed. We would have to come back in a couple weeks for another ultrasound. We left with big smiles on our faces.
Three weeks later I had a routine OB appointment. I was having the same feelings of discomfort and still had not felt movement, but kept thinking about the positive ultrasound. Seeing my little boy move all around and hearing his strong heartbeat kept me positive. When I arrived at my appointment I found out that my doctor would not be in the office because of an emergency delivery. I wasn't too concerned. I had seen the nurse practitioner before and she is a very nice lady. The assistant came in and measured me and told me I was measuring right at 20 weeks. She also tried to locate a heartbeat. She tried for 5 minutes and was unable to locate it. I was very scared but reminded myself of the difficulty in finding his heartbeat at almost every appointment. Pretty soon she left to find another lady to help find the heartbeat. This had actually happened to me once before at their office so I was still pretty hopeful that she would be able to find it. A minute later my doctor walked in the door. I was surprised to see him because I was just told that he wouldn't be in for my appointment. He asked a few questions and then asked if they had listened to the heartbeat. I told him they weren't able to find it and he decided to give it a shot. After a few minutes of him trying to find it and seeing the look on his face, I knew something was very wrong. He took me right back to do an ultrasound and it was immediately clear that things were not right. I don’t think I will ever forget his concerned face as he told me that my baby was gone.
I called Rob right away. Luckily he was in the parking lot with the kids waiting for me to get done. They rushed right in and the Dr. explained to us how we would have to deliver the baby. After he called the hospital the earliest they could get us in was Saturday evening - three days later. The Doctor had warned me not to try and figure out what I had done wrong, but that is exactly what I did for three days. I kept thinking about this medicine I took, that soda I drank, not being active enough. Luckily we packed the kids up and headed to St. George as soon as we found out. It was a very nice distraction being surrounded by family and friends. It was also nice to know that the kids would be with family after Rob and I headed back down to Las Vegas to deliver the baby.
On Saturday we headed back to Las Vegas. I wanted to get back in pretty good time because I had some things around the house that I really wanted to get done. It turns out that being home with only the laundry and dishes to distract me was not enough. My sweet husband Rob suggested that we go see a movie. It was perfect to get out of the house and spend a few hours lost in someone else’s world. As soon as the movie was over I was in tears. It was a difficult drive to the hospital.
I was all set in my room by 8 and had the drugs to induce me by 10. In those few hours I had bonded with my sweet nurse, Candice. I told her I was very sorry that she had to spend the night with me, but she was so sweet and I felt like she truly cared about my feelings and my health. After I was all set Rob and I tried to get some sleep. When Candice came back in to give me more medicine at 2am I still hadn't had any progress. I prayed that I would have my baby before she left at 7am. The drugs made me cramp immediately. At about 4 I had Rob get up and help me to the bathroom. My contractions were getting uncomfortable and I was no longer able to sleep. I kept Rob up with me and my water broke at about 4:30. I called Candice in to help get me cleaned up. When she came in she checked me and the baby had made his way about half way out. Due to the fragile nature of the baby's body I was unable to push. They mostly expect the baby to come out by himself. I thanked Candice for her help and told her how grateful I was that she was still there with me. It turns out another patient of hers had ended up needing a C-section and she was asked to give me up to another nurse and stay with the other patient. She had declined and said that she had to stay with me. She will never know how much I appreciated that she would do that for me. Our baby was coming out sideways and I would have to wait for my doctor to come deliver him. Our angel baby Lucas arrived at 6:41am on April 22nd. They wrapped his tiny body in a blanket and let me hold him. I had been so nervous to see his little body, but I felt such peace holding him in my hands. The doctor then pointed out that he had an abnormal insertion of the umbilical cord. The first inch where it attached to his body was very thin and he was unable to get the blood and oxygen flow needed to keep him growing and healthy. It was nice to know why this happened. A lot of times they are unable to determine a cause and I feel very blessed that we know.
Rob and I held our baby for an hour or so before they took him. The nurses took pictures of him and also made prints of his hands and feet. They presented us with a box full of things to remember our little Lucas.
It was hard to leave the hospital knowing that I was no longer pregnant and I wasn't carrying a baby, and even harder a couple of days later when my milk came in and I had no baby to nurse. But I know that Heavenly Father had a bigger plan for Lucas and for our family. I am humbled by the fact that Heavenly Father knows me personally and is with me through all my trials. I am eternally grateful for his hand in my life and the gift of comfort that he gives. I am looking forward to the time when I can see and hug my baby boy.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

OK. So I know I'm a little late posting about the best weekend ever, but the fact that it is still on my mind really says something about how awesome it was. Easter weekend we headed to St. George to spend time with family and friends. My sister (and best friend) and her adorable family were also headed to St. George from West Jordan. I haven't seen her since the first of February. That is such a long time for us to be apart. -Side note: I once told my handsome husband that if he ever moved me from St. George he must get me home to see my family at least 6 times a year.- Of course, I was also excited to see my Dad and Micki and Carl and his darling family. Also, my dear friends Derrik and Amber came to spend the day with us as well.
On Saturday we enjoyed an amazing day. The kids had an Easter egg hunt and the adults enjoyed a hamburger BBQ. We sat around the table at ate and chatted and watched the kids play for hours. It was so nice to see Robbie and Kailyn having so much fun with cousins and friends. We ended up spending the whole afternoon and evening hanging out and playing. We ended the day roasting peeps and marshmallows over a roaring fire in my Dad's backyard. By the end of the evening the kids were covered in dirt. We threw them right in the bathtub that night and the water was completely black. I'm so glad I didn't have to clean the tub. I don't think they left any dirt in the backyard.
Kailyn loved finding Easter eggs. When she would find one she would get so excited. Her basket ended up overflowing at the end of the hunt. Robbie on the other hand was much more interested in what was in every egg. After he found one or two he sat down and immediately started eating what was inside. I tried to get him to find more eggs, but he really wasn't all that interested. It was fun watching their different personalities shine.
You are probably wondering what made this day so special. Honestly, it took me a minute to place my finger on just exactly what made it so special. There was family and friends and food and candy and laughing children. All of those things are magical in and of them self, but this weekend it just felt like home. It was the first weekend in a really really long time that felt...normal. Just like it felt before my mom passed away. It felt like home. Thinking about it now still makes me smile. I read somewhere recently: "You never know how precious a moment is until it becomes a memory."

Love, love, love this face!

Love, love, love this face too!

This isn't even how dirty she got. It got worse before the night was over.

Robbie and Kenlee "planting a garden." I love that Kenlee and Robbie are such good friends. There will be a wedding one day.

Roasting Peeps!

Easter Baskets. I got really domestic this year and made the cutest sock bunnies for the kids. I was so happy when Robbie absolutely loved his. He still sleeps with it at night.

Potty Training

My son is almost 3 and a half years old. Thus far he has show NO interest in potty training. Previously when I put him in underwear or talk about going pee pee in the potty he would scream and yell. I have tried to be very patient with him and not force the issue. This is a hard thing to do when everyone around him seems to be potty trained. Friends, cousins, fellow sunbeams, everyone! We've been talking about it almost every day. I've tried stickers, charts, candy, trying to get him to pee on cheerios, on food coloring to make the water blue, and watching Daddy. He thinks most of those things are cool, but not quite cool enough to get the job done.
This weekend we went to the store and bought Squinkees. First of all I swore up and down I would never buy a Squinkee, but he LOVES looking at them in the store and I thought it might be just what he needed to try. We were in St. George this weekend and I left Robbie at my Dad's house with my sister and her kids while Rob and I drove Kailyn around trying to get her to nap. My sister called and said that Robbie actually went pee on the potty and was looking everywhere for his Venom Squinkee. I started thinking that I would send him to live with my sister until he came back potty trained because she obviously knew something I didn't know.
The next morning we were back in Las Vegas. I tried to get him to wear underwear but he refused to do it. He likes running around with a "naked bum" so I let him do that. I showed him the potty and told him to let me know when he needed to go. Not much longer he came running over to me and said, "Mom I need my spider-man squinkee." I looked in the potty and sure enough he had gone. Pretty soon he had earned Ironman and the Hulk. Then not much after that he pooped in the potty. He has been doing all of this with no reminder from me. I tried putting underwear on him again and he wore it for a little while and then he had his first accident. For some reason if he is wearing underwear or pants or a diaper he goes in that. But when he is naked he is 100% in the potty.
He might be running around naked until he is 5 but this feels like a huge step in the right direction. The time saved from changing diapers is now spent trying to find the darn sqinkees and making sure Kailyn and Chino don't eat them.

Kailyn Turns One

Last month was Kailyn's first birthday. We decided to head up to St. George to celebrate and I'm really glad that we did. We celebrated with family and friends and lots of rainbow sprinkles.
It was so hard to believe that my little girl was turning one. She is so sweet and grown up. She is so fun to be around. She loves her big brother and is always chasing him around the house and grabbing him and laughing with him. I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter.

One Year

November 18th marked one year since the passing of my mom. It seems hard to believe that she has been gone a whole year. Because she was sick for so long it sometimes feels like she has been gone for a lot longer than a year, but in most ways it feels like she was just here. Losing her has been very difficult. Thankfully I have the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father. Feeling his comforting spirit makes something so difficult feel much lighter.
We have missed having her around this year. Seeing us have our second child, seeing Robbie grow another year older, seeing Rob work so hard to graduate and get a great job, and moving away (she wouldn't have been happy about that part). Even though she isn't here with us we think about her everyday. I try everyday to be the type of mother that she was to me. I love that Kailyn reminds me so much of my mom. My mom would have loved playing with her, fussing over her sweet personality, and commenting on her red hair. I swear she is my grandma's favorite just because of the hair.
It's nice that her passing away is so close to Thanksgiving. It makes it easier for me to remember all the things I have to be grateful for and at the top of the list of things I am grateful for is her.
Robbie and Grandma Trish (Summer 2009)

Listen bud! He's got radio active blood.

For Robbie's third birthday we had a Spiderman party. Robbie really likes Spiderman. A few weeks before his birthday we were walking through the store and he found a big Spiderman doll. He carried him around the whole store and was very sad when we had to leave him there. For weeks Robbie kept asking if we could go back to the store and play with spiderman. Luckily I had sent Rob back in to buy him as a birthday present.
The night before his birthday I had the awesome idea to put Spiderman in bed with Robbie so when he woke up he would be there. Kailyn ended up waking up at about 5am and when I went in to check on her Robbie was sitting up in bed holding Spiderman. He kept saying, "Where did he come from?" I tried to explain that it was for his birthday and when the sun came up we would play with him, when all of the sudden Robbie started screaming, "Take him back to the store." I took Spiderman out of the room and Robbie calmed down and went to sleep. In the morning Robbie came in bed with me and when Rob left for work he put Spiderman back in bed with us. Again, when Robbie saw him he started screaming for me to take him back to the store. I ended up throwing him off the bed under a blanket. A few moments later when he really woke up he saw Spiderman and was so excited. He couldn't wait to play with him. But for days he kept asking me where Spiderman came from. He thought Nonni brought him.
It was different having a party without lots of family and friends, but my Dad, Laura, and Micki came up from St. George to celebrate. Having them here made it feel like a regular birthday bash.
I still can't believe that he is three. He is such a good big brother to Kailyn. He tells me, "Kailyn is my best friend." He loves Spiderman, Angry Birds, and playing at the park. He is a really kind little boy and he loves making new friends.

Las Vegas

I'm sure a few of you have noticed that I haven't blogged much lately. The past year has been difficult for me. After dealing with my mom being very ill and passing away, having a new baby, trying to find work for my husband, and transitioning to a stay at home mom, the storm seems to have calmed. Looking back on the challenges it couldn't be more clear that this is the plan Heavenly Father has for me and he has prepared me for every step of it. It is pretty amazing and comforting to know that he knows me and my struggles and is helping me with every step. Especially being a stay at home mom. I don't think that I've ever needed his help with anything this much, and I pray more constantly now that ever before. Mostly so I don't throw any kids out of the window...But I am getting better. Promise!
Besides moving in the heat of August and arriving to an apartment with a broken air conditioner and having it be 100 degrees in our house and having to stay in a hotel and not being able to unpack because of the heat, moving to Las Vegas has been a blast. Rob seems to really enjoy his job and the people he works with. We were blessed to find an area that is really nice and close to everything we could need. The ward that we live in is also very nice.
My kids are getting so big. Robbie is 3 years old and he amazes me everyday. Honestly I had a hard time getting used to being around him so much. It was more difficult to be at home everyday with a almost three year old that I thought it would be. But he is so much fun. He loves Spiderman and can sing the whole Spiderman theme song. He loves music and dancing. He is more proficient using Rob's I-Phone than I am. He can find any game or video on the internet and use most of the apps. It is frightening.
Kailyn is now 11 months old. Oh my. She is getting so big. She started walking at 10 months and now walks all over the place. She is a climber. She climbs on anything she can get a hold of. She just got her first two teeth. One of the bottom and one on the top. She gives the best kisses and high fives. She also eats everything in sight (I wonder where she learned that from, haha). She can say Mama and Dada, Dog, That and Hello. Whenever she says hello she hold her hand to her ear like a cell phone. She is such a calm, loving, and understanding baby. She is such a joy.