One Year

November 18th marked one year since the passing of my mom. It seems hard to believe that she has been gone a whole year. Because she was sick for so long it sometimes feels like she has been gone for a lot longer than a year, but in most ways it feels like she was just here. Losing her has been very difficult. Thankfully I have the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father. Feeling his comforting spirit makes something so difficult feel much lighter.
We have missed having her around this year. Seeing us have our second child, seeing Robbie grow another year older, seeing Rob work so hard to graduate and get a great job, and moving away (she wouldn't have been happy about that part). Even though she isn't here with us we think about her everyday. I try everyday to be the type of mother that she was to me. I love that Kailyn reminds me so much of my mom. My mom would have loved playing with her, fussing over her sweet personality, and commenting on her red hair. I swear she is my grandma's favorite just because of the hair.
It's nice that her passing away is so close to Thanksgiving. It makes it easier for me to remember all the things I have to be grateful for and at the top of the list of things I am grateful for is her.
Robbie and Grandma Trish (Summer 2009)

Listen bud! He's got radio active blood.

For Robbie's third birthday we had a Spiderman party. Robbie really likes Spiderman. A few weeks before his birthday we were walking through the store and he found a big Spiderman doll. He carried him around the whole store and was very sad when we had to leave him there. For weeks Robbie kept asking if we could go back to the store and play with spiderman. Luckily I had sent Rob back in to buy him as a birthday present.
The night before his birthday I had the awesome idea to put Spiderman in bed with Robbie so when he woke up he would be there. Kailyn ended up waking up at about 5am and when I went in to check on her Robbie was sitting up in bed holding Spiderman. He kept saying, "Where did he come from?" I tried to explain that it was for his birthday and when the sun came up we would play with him, when all of the sudden Robbie started screaming, "Take him back to the store." I took Spiderman out of the room and Robbie calmed down and went to sleep. In the morning Robbie came in bed with me and when Rob left for work he put Spiderman back in bed with us. Again, when Robbie saw him he started screaming for me to take him back to the store. I ended up throwing him off the bed under a blanket. A few moments later when he really woke up he saw Spiderman and was so excited. He couldn't wait to play with him. But for days he kept asking me where Spiderman came from. He thought Nonni brought him.
It was different having a party without lots of family and friends, but my Dad, Laura, and Micki came up from St. George to celebrate. Having them here made it feel like a regular birthday bash.
I still can't believe that he is three. He is such a good big brother to Kailyn. He tells me, "Kailyn is my best friend." He loves Spiderman, Angry Birds, and playing at the park. He is a really kind little boy and he loves making new friends.

Las Vegas

I'm sure a few of you have noticed that I haven't blogged much lately. The past year has been difficult for me. After dealing with my mom being very ill and passing away, having a new baby, trying to find work for my husband, and transitioning to a stay at home mom, the storm seems to have calmed. Looking back on the challenges it couldn't be more clear that this is the plan Heavenly Father has for me and he has prepared me for every step of it. It is pretty amazing and comforting to know that he knows me and my struggles and is helping me with every step. Especially being a stay at home mom. I don't think that I've ever needed his help with anything this much, and I pray more constantly now that ever before. Mostly so I don't throw any kids out of the window...But I am getting better. Promise!
Besides moving in the heat of August and arriving to an apartment with a broken air conditioner and having it be 100 degrees in our house and having to stay in a hotel and not being able to unpack because of the heat, moving to Las Vegas has been a blast. Rob seems to really enjoy his job and the people he works with. We were blessed to find an area that is really nice and close to everything we could need. The ward that we live in is also very nice.
My kids are getting so big. Robbie is 3 years old and he amazes me everyday. Honestly I had a hard time getting used to being around him so much. It was more difficult to be at home everyday with a almost three year old that I thought it would be. But he is so much fun. He loves Spiderman and can sing the whole Spiderman theme song. He loves music and dancing. He is more proficient using Rob's I-Phone than I am. He can find any game or video on the internet and use most of the apps. It is frightening.
Kailyn is now 11 months old. Oh my. She is getting so big. She started walking at 10 months and now walks all over the place. She is a climber. She climbs on anything she can get a hold of. She just got her first two teeth. One of the bottom and one on the top. She gives the best kisses and high fives. She also eats everything in sight (I wonder where she learned that from, haha). She can say Mama and Dada, Dog, That and Hello. Whenever she says hello she hold her hand to her ear like a cell phone. She is such a calm, loving, and understanding baby. She is such a joy.

8 and 9 months

Kailyn Violet Knowlton

Did you hear that I had a baby? Well I did, and she is beautiful and amazing.

It was an interesting pregnancy. During the first couple of months I felt sick all the time. I would come home from work and lay on the couch until bedtime. I think Robbie and I watched the movie CARS a billion times. Sometimes when I hear the opening music to that movie I still feel nauseous. Turns out that I was eating tainted Fruit Loops every morning for breakfast. Maybe I wouldn't have been so sick. I should have stopped eating the Fruit Loops that tasted like gasoline, but I thought it was just morning sickness that was making me feel that way. As the pregnancy went on I started having really bad acne. Not so unusual for me but very annoying. I am pretty sure I went to the dermatologist more than my OB. Magically as soon as I gave birth my face cleared up.

I really wanted to have the baby early. She was due on December 17, but I knew if I had her early it would give Rob and I more time with the baby before school started back up in January. I had many false alarms. Time after time I was started timing contractions and after an hour or so they would just stop. I finally scheduled an induction for December 14.

On the morning of the 14th I was called in at 5:45am. I went into the hospital and got things started. It went very quickly. Right after they hooked me up to the drip my water broke. When the Dr. came in a few hours later I told him I was feeling lots of pressure. He checked me out and told me to push. He looked at me and said, "She has red hair." For some reason I had never thought that I would have a red headed child. About 30 minutes later she was born. When they placed her on my chest I was amazed at how much she looked like her brother Robbie. The second I sat up and started nursing her she latched on and ate for almost an hour. She has been an amazing baby. She eats good, poops good, and burps good.

It was difficult having a baby with out my mom around to help. When I had Robbie we would drive over to my moms and hang out all afternoon. I felt so alone this time around. But there have been numerous times when I'm having bad days, or even really good days, that I feel my mom with me. I know she is helping me become a better mother and watching over me daily.