Monday, April 30, 2012

Lucas Knowlton - April 22, 2012

I never made a "formal social media" announcement that I was expecting a baby, but on New Years Eve I found out that Rob and I were expecting our third child. We had just started trying and I was shocked that we got pregnant so quickly. I wasn't sure how far along I was, so I called and made an appointment with my doctor. Kailyn and baby number three were going to be about 21 months apart, and I was nervous to add number three but also very excited.
Then things started getting interesting. I got a bad sinus infection and was sick for weeks. Next, the blood work that my Dr. took came back abnormal. It's a long story but I was treated for a disease that I did not have and the real cause of the abnormal blood work was undetermined. Then Robbie got pneumonia and I was also very sick with a fever and coughing. This was on top of the nausea and fatigue of pregnancy. This pregnancy felt so different from the others. I had a feeling that something wasn't right, but I was sure it was just because of the illness. I wasn't gaining much weight and I never felt the baby move, but I was hopeful that everything was alright. When I went in for my ultrasound I was relieved to hear a good strong heartbeat. The ultrasound technician told us we were expecting another boy. We were thrilled! Robbie was so excited to have a little brother and wanted to name him Spider-man. We also found out that we were about 17 weeks along and that our little guy wasn't quite big enough to do all the vital organ tests needed. We would have to come back in a couple weeks for another ultrasound. We left with big smiles on our faces.
Three weeks later I had a routine OB appointment. I was having the same feelings of discomfort and still had not felt movement, but kept thinking about the positive ultrasound. Seeing my little boy move all around and hearing his strong heartbeat kept me positive. When I arrived at my appointment I found out that my doctor would not be in the office because of an emergency delivery. I wasn't too concerned. I had seen the nurse practitioner before and she is a very nice lady. The assistant came in and measured me and told me I was measuring right at 20 weeks. She also tried to locate a heartbeat. She tried for 5 minutes and was unable to locate it. I was very scared but reminded myself of the difficulty in finding his heartbeat at almost every appointment. Pretty soon she left to find another lady to help find the heartbeat. This had actually happened to me once before at their office so I was still pretty hopeful that she would be able to find it. A minute later my doctor walked in the door. I was surprised to see him because I was just told that he wouldn't be in for my appointment. He asked a few questions and then asked if they had listened to the heartbeat. I told him they weren't able to find it and he decided to give it a shot. After a few minutes of him trying to find it and seeing the look on his face, I knew something was very wrong. He took me right back to do an ultrasound and it was immediately clear that things were not right. I don’t think I will ever forget his concerned face as he told me that my baby was gone.
I called Rob right away. Luckily he was in the parking lot with the kids waiting for me to get done. They rushed right in and the Dr. explained to us how we would have to deliver the baby. After he called the hospital the earliest they could get us in was Saturday evening - three days later. The Doctor had warned me not to try and figure out what I had done wrong, but that is exactly what I did for three days. I kept thinking about this medicine I took, that soda I drank, not being active enough. Luckily we packed the kids up and headed to St. George as soon as we found out. It was a very nice distraction being surrounded by family and friends. It was also nice to know that the kids would be with family after Rob and I headed back down to Las Vegas to deliver the baby.
On Saturday we headed back to Las Vegas. I wanted to get back in pretty good time because I had some things around the house that I really wanted to get done. It turns out that being home with only the laundry and dishes to distract me was not enough. My sweet husband Rob suggested that we go see a movie. It was perfect to get out of the house and spend a few hours lost in someone else’s world. As soon as the movie was over I was in tears. It was a difficult drive to the hospital.
I was all set in my room by 8 and had the drugs to induce me by 10. In those few hours I had bonded with my sweet nurse, Candice. I told her I was very sorry that she had to spend the night with me, but she was so sweet and I felt like she truly cared about my feelings and my health. After I was all set Rob and I tried to get some sleep. When Candice came back in to give me more medicine at 2am I still hadn't had any progress. I prayed that I would have my baby before she left at 7am. The drugs made me cramp immediately. At about 4 I had Rob get up and help me to the bathroom. My contractions were getting uncomfortable and I was no longer able to sleep. I kept Rob up with me and my water broke at about 4:30. I called Candice in to help get me cleaned up. When she came in she checked me and the baby had made his way about half way out. Due to the fragile nature of the baby's body I was unable to push. They mostly expect the baby to come out by himself. I thanked Candice for her help and told her how grateful I was that she was still there with me. It turns out another patient of hers had ended up needing a C-section and she was asked to give me up to another nurse and stay with the other patient. She had declined and said that she had to stay with me. She will never know how much I appreciated that she would do that for me. Our baby was coming out sideways and I would have to wait for my doctor to come deliver him. Our angel baby Lucas arrived at 6:41am on April 22nd. They wrapped his tiny body in a blanket and let me hold him. I had been so nervous to see his little body, but I felt such peace holding him in my hands. The doctor then pointed out that he had an abnormal insertion of the umbilical cord. The first inch where it attached to his body was very thin and he was unable to get the blood and oxygen flow needed to keep him growing and healthy. It was nice to know why this happened. A lot of times they are unable to determine a cause and I feel very blessed that we know.
Rob and I held our baby for an hour or so before they took him. The nurses took pictures of him and also made prints of his hands and feet. They presented us with a box full of things to remember our little Lucas.
It was hard to leave the hospital knowing that I was no longer pregnant and I wasn't carrying a baby, and even harder a couple of days later when my milk came in and I had no baby to nurse. But I know that Heavenly Father had a bigger plan for Lucas and for our family. I am humbled by the fact that Heavenly Father knows me personally and is with me through all my trials. I am eternally grateful for his hand in my life and the gift of comfort that he gives. I am looking forward to the time when I can see and hug my baby boy.


Rob and Jen Raybould said...

It takes a really strong person to go through what you did. I admire your strength and it will be such a blessing for you to be able to raise him in the next life!

Amanda Raybould said...

Lisa, I had no idea you were going through any of this. My heart is so full for you and your family. I love you so much and your strength is truly inspiring. I am always around if you need a friend! Love you :) x

Catherine said...

You're amazing Lisa. I was especially touched by your most recent post about your sister, mom, and sweet little Lucas. You've experienced a lot, my friend. You're in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness Lisa, I had no idea! How strong you are, my heart aches for your loss. I love you!