I have the cutest primary class. They are 8 years old and so very smart. Much smarter than I was at that age. Yesterday we had a lesson about Jesus Christ having the power to heal. We talked about healing miracles that he performed when He was here on Earth. We also talked about priesthood blessings. There are lots of really great stories about how priesthood blessings have healed the sick and afflicted. Our fast and testimony meetings are full of similar stories. But that got me thinking about what happens when the answer is NO. There isn't a whole lot of people running the the pulpit to tell you about the time that their prayers didn't work.
Sometimes I feel like am the poster child for being told no. I'm not saying that my life isn't blessed - it most certainly is. I have witnessed miracles and have so many wonderful countless blessings in my life. However the three things I've wanted and prayed the most for in my life have not been given to me. It started when I was old enough to realize the my sister Micki was sick. We would have family fasts for her and pray every day and night for her to get better. She even received a blessing from a general authority (not that their priesthood is any more powerful, but it couldn't hurt right?). Once I was old enough to realize that she wasn't going to get better I was devastated. Later I realized that her illness was teaching me and my family a great lesson. It was allowing us to learn to love and serve others. I feel very blessed that my childhood was filled with caring for someone with special needs.
The next situation was my sweet mother. My best friend and biggest hero in the whole world. When she was diagnosed with cancer I was again devastated. After a few days of feeling utterly sorry for myself I changed my attitude. I KNEW that Heavenly Father could and would heal her. I prayed harder and longer than I ever had before. I fasted more fervently. She had numerous priesthood blessing. For 5 years I continued praying and begging for my mother to be healed. About 2 months before she passed away she had some complications and was again in the hospital. My family organized one more family fast. I was pregnant and didn't fast but I did spend a lot of time praying. I wont forget the answer I got to those prayers. I simply knew that my mom wasn't getting better, but that it was in the Lord's hands. She was going to be alright.
When I was worrying about not feeling baby Lucas move I would stay up at night and pray to please feel my baby boy move. I prayed every night that my baby would be healthy and strong, but again my desires were not granted.
I thought that my prayers weren't answered because I wasn't righteous enough or I didn't have enough faith. However, I know now that sometimes the answer is no. It doesn't mean that Heavenly Father loves me less or that he is punishing me. It means that He has a different plan for me than I had for myself. He is molding me into the eternal being that he needs me to be.
Sometimes the answer is no, and that is okay.