Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Due Date

Today is the day that baby Lucas was due.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I gave birth to him even though it was only a few months ago.  The last couple of months have been difficult as I have been thinking about what life would be like with a brand new baby around.  A few ladies in my ward were due with babies within a few days of me and watching their bellies grow and seeing both of them at church on Sunday with precious little girls was very hard.  Of course, I am overly happy for those ladies, but it has left me undoubtedly baby hungry.
I really feel at peace with this loss, but I have still been in a funk for the last few months.  I kept thinking about still being pregnant and then having that brand new baby boy.  I am hoping celebrating this due date will close a door on my pregnancy and really allow me to really move forward.
I know I am years late, but the other day at the Goodwill I found a copy of Aron Ralston's book 127 Hours: Between a Rock and a Hard Place for .50 and I had to have it. When I heard of his rescue i was immediately interested with the story of him cutting off his own arm to save his life while camping in the Utah desert, but finally reading in his own words about his struggle was truly inspiring.  Near the end of his trial in the slot canyon he had a vision of sorts where he was playing with a blond three year old boy.  He knew that this was a vision of his future and the boy was his son.  When the morning came that day he knew he had to live. 
When I read this I was so impressed.  I know when I think of my sweet children I am inspired to live a better life.  I am glad to have found this book at this time.  I really feel like it will help get me out of this funk I've been in.

  The are the tiny hand and foot prints of my baby Lucas and the urn that holds his ashes.  Also, the receiving blanket that the hospital wrapped Lucas in.  

1 comment:

Amy said...

Lisa I know this wasn't recent, but I am sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how hard it must be. I love you!