Hard Things

On Feb. 19 my dear sister Micki passed away.  She was 36 years old and for 33 of those years she fought a degenerative neurological disease.  She was a perfect spirit in an imperfect body.  Micki was also one of my best friends.  She taught me so much about loving others and the true meaning of family. 
I truly rejoice in the knowledge that she is living the beautiful life she always had inside of her when she was on Earth.  She is standing, walking, talking, dancing, and singing and I seriously can not wait until I have the chance to see her again.  I love to think about her perfect body and the fact that she is getting to do all of things that she once did.  I love thinking about her being with our mother. 
Even though I know she is in a better place it has been very hard to be without her.  My whole life she has always been there ready to smile at me and brighten my day.  I was very blessed to have her in my life and I can not imagine life without being taught the blessings of caring for and loving others as well as lesson to shun self-pity. 
Today in primary the kids sang my favorite primary song, Families Can Be Together Forever.  I tried to sing along but mostly sat in peace trying to hold back tears.  I am so grateful for the knowledge of forever families.  I look forward to being with my family forever and especially being re-united with Micki, Mom, and Lucas.

Kailyn is 2

A few weeks ago my baby girl turned 2.  She loved Cats and we decided to throw a "Hello Kitty" birthday party.  This summer we found a vintage fisher price doll house at a yard sale.  I've been so excited to give it to her and she loves it!  Time is going by so quickly.  I can hardly believe that she is 2 already. 
Kailyn is funny and smart and so very polite.  Whenever I do something for her she says "Thank you Mom."  First thing in the morning when we are snuggling in bed she always give me a big hug and kiss and says, "I love you too Mommy"  Kailyn and Robbie are best friends and she is always looking out for her big brother and she does every thing that he does.
She has the most beautiful red hair, but it is a little unruly.  She hates to have any clips, bows, or ponytails so her hair is always hanging in her face.  Whenever I leave her with someone they always put something in her hair which she leaves in until we are alone, then she rips it out.
Her favorite color is pink and she loves dolls.  She also loves Batman, Spider-Man, Transformers, and anything else her brother likes.

      

Mom

It is that time of year again.  Today marks 2 years since I lost my mom.  She is always in my heart and I am very lucky to have her watching over me and my family.  I don't even know what to say that I haven't said before.  She was truly the best mom anyone could ever ask for.  I have no regrets about our relationship.  She was my best friend from the earliest time I can remember.  I never once told her that I hated her.  I never once got embarrassed when she dropped me off at school or cheered very loudly at my games.  I spent lots of time talking to her and loving her.  Those are the things I remember the most.  I love you mom. 

HULK SMASH!

Ohmygoodness!  I have a 4 year old.  Robbie celebrated his birthday this year with a Hulk birthday party.  The night before the party we went to the store to buy a cake and a few other things, but what he really wanted was a REALLY big apple (he eats so many I usually buy the small ones) and a watermelon.  That kid loves fruit. 
I found a green shirt at the Goodwill a while back that I thought would make a perfect Hulk shirt.  I cut out the design with freezer paper and painted a Hulk face on it.  He really liked his shirt.  In fact, he wore it all weekend long.  That Hulk face ended up being the theme for our party.  His face showed up on the watermelon, the cake, and the ice-cream cups.  I also cut out Hulk faces and the kids glued them together.
The party was a blast and Robbie had a really great time turning 4.  We actually celebrated all weekend long, and it was the best weekend ever.  We went to the park, went swimming, shot off a model rocket, went to lunch with Nonie and Grandpa, and played with his new toys non-stop. 
Robbie is such a sweet kid.  He is nice and sensitive.  He is a really great big brother.  He cares so much for Kailyn and doesn't like to see her sad, unless it is him making her sad.  He loves the Super Hero Squad.  He really likes reading and doing puzzles.  He can do 100 piece puzzles all by himself and I love to watch how his brain works to figure it out.  I am so lucky to be his mother.  

8 Wonderful Years

I'm a little late on this but in September Rob and I celebrated 8 years of marriage.  In that time we have lived in 5 different homes in 2 cities.  Renting 4 of them and losing our shirts on 1.  We have had 5 different employers and I'm finally able to stay home with my family.  We have had 2 beautiful children and 1 angel baby - one of which turns 4 tomorrow.  We have said "I love you" a million and one times, and "I'm sorry" a million and two times.
Time is flying by and yet when I think about our wedding day it seems like ages ago.  At our wedding reception an old couple came by to congratulate us.  The old man said that one day we would look back at on our wedding day and wonder how we could have even loved each other.  He explained that, if we did it right, our love would keep growing and growing.  I didn't understand what he meant then, but I am starting to now. 
When Rob and I got married we had never been in a fight.  It sounds silly, but we never had anything to disagree about.  We had very few trials and hardships.  After 8 years that is no longer the case, but I wouldn't trade one fight or trial because it has made our love even stronger than I could have imagined.  We have also had lots of reasons to love each other.  Rob is hard working, loving, and the best dad ever.  I'm grateful for the past 8 years and I look forward to many many more.  Especially because Rob keeps getting even better looking every year :)     

Engagement picture. 2004

Taken on our anniversary. 2012

   

A New Leaf

I've been thinking a lot about goals this week.  For some reason I feel resolved to start my New Years resolutions early.  Last year on New Year's Eve I found out I was expecting.  I was overjoyed, of course, but my annual resolutions didn't even get discussed. I know some of you are thinking, "why have new years goals if you never stick to them?"  I used to agree with you but I have a different opinion now.  If I have 500 goals and I only fully accomplish one of them I am still better off then before I set the goals. 
A lot of people have been blogging about their goals before turning 30 calling it "30 before 30".  Well, since I am about 6 months short I am going to start my very own "10 before 30."  Although I am nervous to blog my goals for fear of being judged or just feeling inadequate, I know that a "goal not written down is just a wish." So, here it goes:

• No soda.  Growing up I was never a huge soda drinker, even though my mom had her Diet Coke every single day. While I was playing sports I was especially against drinking soda, but over the last year I have started to drink way more than I should.  So, I'm cutting it out.  
• Lose 30 pounds.  I hate putting a number on it, but I need to have something to hold myself to.  
• Run a half marathon.  I'm signed up for one in February and with any luck I'll finish it. Haha.  
• Learn to cook.  I really have no idea how to cook anything.  Sure I can make basic things, but if I try to follow recipe that is even slightly less basic I manage to screw it up.  This leads to eating out a lot.  Either because my dinner isn't edible or I didn't even want to try.  I want to try 2 new meals a week. 
• Read 15 books.  I love to read.  I need to start making time for myself, log off the computer and pick up a book.  I'm really excited for this one.  First book on the list is "The Help."
• Get out of the house twice a week.  Right now we only have one vehicle.  Rob takes it to work which leaves the kids and I at home without a car.  We go on walks outside or walk to a friends house but it isn't always enough.  So I am going to get up and take Rob to work at least twice a week so the kids and I can go to the park or the library.  It will be good for all of us.  
• Be more dedicated to my calling at church.  I teach the 8 year old kids in primary.  It is a fun calling, but sometimes I let the lessons go until the night before which makes them not as good.  
• Visit Teach.  Again, I need to be better with my church callings.  I hate calling people on the phone and none of the ladies I visit teach go to church.  It is all a big fat excuse, so I'm going to start doing it.
• Keep my house clean.  Why is this so hard for me to do?  I hate living in a messy house, but that doesn't always motivate me to keep it clean.  My goal is to start a weekly cleaning regimen and stick to it.  I'm sick of the dishes piling up and the laundry looking like it is going to take over the world.
• List 20 things to Ebay each week.  My husband and I sell things on Ebay.  Mostly things we have around the house or things we find at yard sales and such.  It is a good way for me to contribute financially to our family while still being home with the kids.  If the items don't get listed they wont sell.    

I have lots of other things I need to work on.  I'm so far from the woman that I want to become, but everyone needs to start someplace.  I'm excited to start the process of changing my life for the better. 

Due Date

Today is the day that baby Lucas was due.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I gave birth to him even though it was only a few months ago.  The last couple of months have been difficult as I have been thinking about what life would be like with a brand new baby around.  A few ladies in my ward were due with babies within a few days of me and watching their bellies grow and seeing both of them at church on Sunday with precious little girls was very hard.  Of course, I am overly happy for those ladies, but it has left me undoubtedly baby hungry.
I really feel at peace with this loss, but I have still been in a funk for the last few months.  I kept thinking about still being pregnant and then having that brand new baby boy.  I am hoping celebrating this due date will close a door on my pregnancy and really allow me to really move forward.
I know I am years late, but the other day at the Goodwill I found a copy of Aron Ralston's book 127 Hours: Between a Rock and a Hard Place for .50 and I had to have it. When I heard of his rescue i was immediately interested with the story of him cutting off his own arm to save his life while camping in the Utah desert, but finally reading in his own words about his struggle was truly inspiring.  Near the end of his trial in the slot canyon he had a vision of sorts where he was playing with a blond three year old boy.  He knew that this was a vision of his future and the boy was his son.  When the morning came that day he knew he had to live. 
When I read this I was so impressed.  I know when I think of my sweet children I am inspired to live a better life.  I am glad to have found this book at this time.  I really feel like it will help get me out of this funk I've been in.

  The are the tiny hand and foot prints of my baby Lucas and the urn that holds his ashes.  Also, the receiving blanket that the hospital wrapped Lucas in.